Why are You So Afraid?

Wind and Wave Obey Jesus

23 Now when He got into a boat, His disciples followed Him. 24 And suddenly a great tempest arose on the sea, so that the boat was covered with the waves. But He was asleep. 25 Then His disciples came to Him and awoke Him, saying, “Lord, save us! We are perishing!”

26 But He said to them, “Why are you fearful, O you of little faith?” Then He arose and rebuked the winds and the sea, and there was a great calm. 27 So the men marveled, saying, “Who can this be, that even the winds and the sea obey Him?”

Matthew 8:23-27 (NKJV)

This passage was today’s reading and sermon at the church worship service this morning.

Two nights ago, we had quite a scare.  I had spotting or light bleeding.  I tried to be calm and composed, and prayed on my own in the rest room.  I didn’t tell my husband immediately because I thought the spotting would stop anyway and no need to worry him.  But it continued.  And I Googled, “19 weeks pregnant spotting,” and got some possible reasons for the spotting.  All websites say not to worry about it, that spotting doesn’t necessary lead to a miscarriage, especially if the blood is brown in color.  Most pregnant women experience spotting, and they deliver healthy babies, but one has to tell her doctor about it immediately.

Having gathered some information, I told my husband, “Don’t panic, but I have spotting.”

I texted my OB, and while waiting for her response, put myself on self-imposed bed rest as most websites advise and prayed together.  At that point, I couldn’t help but cry a bit.

“Lord, all we want is you.”  My husband ended his prayer.

And then I asked him, “Is that all we really want?  God?  We can be honest, we want our baby safe.”

“Yes, of course, I already prayed that earlier.”  He replied.

“I know, but God is not all we want at this point.  We want the baby safe too.  God and the baby,”  I said.

Yes, God above all, but we want the baby also.  Not as much as we should desire God.  I am not sure if I was right, I know my husband’s prayer is that of submission to His will, but I was just really being honest.  If God later on showed us His will that the baby is not ours to keep, God will help me deal with that then.  His grace is sufficient.

“Why are you fearful? Why are you so afraid?”  Jesus said to the disciples who were crying out to him for help in the midst of the stormy sea. 

He rose and rebuked the winds and the sea, AND THERE WAS A GREAT CALM.

Jesus was in the boat.  He is sovereign over the wind and the wave.

He is in my boat.  In our boat.  He wants to be in every detail of our lives.  He is with us through all that we are going through, whatever the result, have faith in Him for He knows best.  And through all the trials and difficult times, we experience Him more and know Him in a deeper way.

As the song “Still” goes, I will be still and know that You are God.

When I am afraid, I put my trust in You. Psalm 56:3 (NIV)

————

Sometimes, things don’t go as we desire.  Maybe sometimes, the storm continues to rage.  Disappointment after disappointment pound on us,  as what we experienced a lot in our infertility journey. He is able, but He just didn’t allow it for some reason unknown.  And we just have to continue to hold on to Him and have faith in Him.

O you of little faith, why should you be afraid.  I am in control, as if Jesus was saying.  We’ve been learning and always been reminding ourselves in our journey that our faith is not based on the outcome, but on our loving and gracious God.   Who else do we turn to?  To Him and only Him.  He is our source of strength and hope in all things, whatever comes our way.

He can give us the great calm, the great peace that surpasses all understanding despite the outcome.  Only in Him can we have eternal hope.  Those who hope in You will not hope in vain.

He is with us and will never forsake us.  And that is all that matters. 

————-

Back to my spotting.  Early next morning, there was still spotting and it was red in color.   My doctor said to see her at 11:30 am. While waiting for her, I browsed through some books on baby names.


Zara Sophie sounds nice 🙂

The doctor finally came, and she herself said before doing the ultrasound that she got a bit worried too because I was supposed to have a Doppler check last week for the blood flow to the baby according to my reproductive immunologist (oh, the challenges of having too many doctors!), but she opted not to.  Now she had to do it to make sure the baby’s ok.

My spotting was not due to too much activity – not that I over exerted myself with all the cooking the other day – but the doctor said it could be because of an extra bit of placenta.  If spotting persists, just rest for a few hours.  It should go away.

Through the ultrasound we learned that the blood flow is normal and the baby’s heart beat is ok.  The position of the placenta is ok, not low, which can be a factor in bleeding.  Since we were already having the ultrasound, we asked if we can already know the gender.  🙂  Will write a different post about it.

The doctor said that there is nothing to worry about! 🙂  so after the check up, we had our favorite xiao long bao near the clinic for lunch 🙂


—–

As of this writing, my spotting has stopped, but had to miss a late Christmas get-together with friends.  Extra precaution required still.  Decided to just stay at home and rest.
Thank you, Lord, that Your Word strengthens us and gives us hope.  Thank you, Lord, for taking care of our baby and myself 🙂 

————

In Christ alone will I glory
Though I could pride myself in battles won
For Ive been blessed beyond measure
And by His strength alone Ill overcome
Oh, I could stop and count successes like diamonds in my hands
But those trophies could not equal to the grace by which I stand

[chorus]
In Christ alone
I place my trust
And find my glory in the power of the cross
In every victory
Let it be said of me
My source of strength
My source of hope
Is Christ alone

In Christ alone do I glory
For only by His grace I am redeemed
For only His tender mercy
Could reach beyond my weakness to my need
And now I seek no greater honor in just to know Him more
And to count my gains but losses to the glory of my Lord

In Christ Alone by Brian Littrell 


Photo with quote from Desiring God’s Instagram.

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